[Go Play NW 2010] Horrible Roach Variant

edited April 2010 in Story Games
All right, Chris, Matthew, Johnzo, whoever else was in Election Roach or Wall Street Roach Gekko at previous cons or wants to be in on it this year. What are we theme-hacking in 2010? I seem to remember rumors of NASCAR Roach, but I could also do Oscar Roach, Writers' Retreat Roach, Gaming Con Roach...


  • edited April 2010
    I'm not saying anything, but my dad grew up with the Burton boys.
  • I would definitely be willing to orchestrate an Emo Musician Scene Kids Roach variant.
  • edited April 2010
    Okay, this might not be meaningful to enough people to make a worthwhile GPNW game, but I gotta say that it was fun to write...

    The Writers' Convention Roach


    The unroached character with the most status receives an $850 one-book deal with Crane Books.
    The roached character with the most status is hired as an editorial assistant by Crane Books.
    Everyone else continues to labor in obscurity.

    Personal Die (Writerly Status / Everything Else)

    Convention Volunteer: d4-1/d10+1
    Nonwriter, Self-Published Writer, or Agentless Writer: d4/d10
    Unpublished Writer with Scamdroid / Sleazy / Indicted Agent: d6/d8
    Unpublished Writer with Inattentive / Drunken Agent: d8/d6
    Author / Celebrity: d10/d4
    Agent / Editor: d10+1/d4-1


    * The Friday Night Wine Social
    - Evan A. Laline, Writing Lifestyle Podcaster (self-published)
    - Bee Harris, Embittered Midlist Author Whose Category Is Fading
    - Mike Jefferson, party crasher (nonwriter)

    * Saturday PM: The "Living La Vida Biblio" panel.
    - Nancy Frank, Volunteer Moderator
    - Tag Wicklum, Martial Arts Guru And Empowerment Writer (agentless)
    - Velvette Dustinbaker, Celebrity Multimedia Sexpert

    * Saturday Eve: The Crane Books Suite Party
    - Cricket LeBaron, 18-year-old bestselling author (this is the pen name of Regina Sutton)
    - Mike Jefferson, party crasher (nonwriter)
    - Fred Taite, Predatory Book Doctor / Fake Agent / Scammer

    * Sunday AM: Everyone Stalks The Luminary As He Goes To Brunch
    - Nancy Frank, Volunteer Convention Chair.
    - Tag Wicklum, Martial Arts Guru And Empowerment Writer (agentless)
    - Neil Gaiman, Whose Radiance Penetrates Us Like We Were Cling-Film Origami

    * Sunday PM: The Group Critique Session
    - Evan A. Laline, Writing Lifestyle Podcaster (self-published)
    - James Richter Beaufort, Editor-in-Chief of Crane Books, Inc.
    - Bee Harris, Embittered Midlist Author Whose Category Is Fading

    * Sunday Eve: The Award Banquet
    - Hope Anglewyne, Local Anchorwoman and Master of Ceremonies.
    - James Richter Beaufort, Editor-in-Chief of Crane Books, Inc.
    - Velvette Dustinbaker, Celebrity Multimedia Sexpert

    Category (in lieu of Departments)

    * Self-Help
    * Young Adult Fantasy
    * Military / Adventure Fiction
    * Romance
    * Paranormal Romance
    * Pirate Romance
    * NASCAR Romance
    * This Woman's Baby Would Be Born A Bastard But For The Timely Intervention Of A Greek Millionaire Romance
    * Erotica
    * Travel
  • johnzo, that is too hot, i think i may've burned myself.

    so rad!
  • Posted By: jackson tegujohnzo, that is too hot, i think i may've burned myself.
    It was less hot from the inside. :) Anyone who plays this is basically signing up to Roach up a big chunk of my autobiography.

    Also, there are too many scenesevents for a con game. How many events do we typically nail in four hours?
  • You've got four Luminaries who only show up once! I'd combine them into two, but which two? Dang.
  • We managed three events during Election Roach, but they had a lot of scenes. Thankfully, no writeup exists for Wall Street so I can't check, but it couldn't have been more than three or four (opening the exchange, something in a restaurant, the funeral, ?).
  • Dumping the events that imply more structure - the critique session and the panel and the banquet -- seems like the right choice to me.

    Jason, yeah, some characters need to be fused. It might be good to dump agents (except for the scamdroid, who is essential) and just have editors.
  • Johnzo has thrown down a worthy gauntlet. I simply ask that...
    Gentlemen...START YOUR ENGINES!!
  • NASCAR "Race for the Roach" Cup

    Are you willing to swallow a soul-eating telepathic insect bent on destroying human civilization?


    Even if it will give you 10 extra horsepower?



    The unroached character with the most status receives the Roach Cup Trophy.
    The roached character with the most status is hired as a race analysis by FOX Sports and never races again.

    Personal Die:

    Luminaries (Governors, Ex-Presidents, Team Owners, Hall-of-Famer Drivers)
    d10 for Status; d4 for Everything Else

    Veteran Drivers
    d8 for Status; d6 for Everything Else

    Rookie Drivers
    d6 for Status; d8 for Everything Else

    Regular Folks (Hangers-on, Beat Reporters)
    d4 for Status; d10 for Everything Else


    I NASCAR Season Kickoff/Mixer
    - Regina Sutton, perky blond FOX Sports reporter
    - Don Burnhardt, Sr., jerky Hall of Fame racer
    - Jimmy James Johnson, defending NASCAR Cup champion

    II Indianpolis Brickyard 400
    - Bantam Whaley, hot rookie driver
    - Dick Trickle, veteran driver and FOX Sports commentator
    - Juan Pablo Debonya, bitter ex-Formula One driver

    III Talladega Nights
    - Bart "Nootie" Atkins, Governor of Alabama
    - Jimmy James Johnson, defending NASCAR Cup champion
    - Campbell Stoudenmeyer, NASCAR official

    IV NASCAR Sprint All-Star Race and Media Day
    - Don Burnhardt, Sr., jerky Hall of Fame racer
    - Regina Sutton, perky blond FOX Sports reporter
    - George Dubya, former U.S. President

    V Daytona 500
    - Gyp Ganassi, "Nootie Racing" team owner
    - Martin Blaylock, Young idealistic congressman from Florida
    - Karl Busch, "Deutchland uber Alles" #1 team driver

    VI Season Ender Awards Ceremony
    - Dick Trickle, veteran driver and FOX Sports commentator
    - Bantam Whaley, hot rookie driver
    - "El Jefe" Gordon, overweight, fading NASCAR legend

    The Roach: No changes. It just all makes sense in the end.

    The Cards:

    ‘Letter of Reprimand’ becomes 'NASCAR Investigation’
    'Breakdown' becomes 'Mechanical Breakdowns'
    'Sacrifice' becomes 'Throw the Race'
    ‘Influenza’ becomes ‘Flu’
    ‘Journal Article’ becomes ‘ESPN Interview’
    ‘Receive University Award’ becomes ‘NASCAR Magazine Cover’
    ‘Receive Academic Appointment’ becomes 'Current Points Leader’
    ‘Earn Tenure’ becomes ‘The Big Promotion’
    ‘Uncover Plagiarist’ becomes ‘Uncover Cheater’
    'Genius' becomes 'Stud Driver'


    * Drafting/Passing
    * Car Suspensions
    * NASCAR Rules & Regulations
    * Car Tires/Grip
    * Aerodynamics
    * Public Relations
    * NASCAR Team Management
    * Engines
    * NASCAR Tracks
    * Pit Stops
    * Qualifying
  • edited April 2010
    Damn, Chris, here I was all smug, and then WHAM you coldly play the Nootie card.

    (Nootie took over another state? The Roachverse continues to terrify.)
  • Posted By: johnzo(Nootie took over another state? The Roachverse continues to terrify.)
    I think it says a lot about you that you even noticed I moved Nootie's governorship to the state in which the race was taking place.

    But really, I think of Gov. Nootie as reflecting racism all over the South. That, and his family chain of "Nootie bars".
  • Really, I think of Gov. Nootie as reflecting the light of the dawn sun of the East.
  • Posted By: johnzoReally, I think of Gov. Nootie as reflecting the light of the dawn sun of the East.
    *tears form in corners of eyes*
  • edited April 2010
    Oh my God Chris, I love the maelstrom of real people and Roachtastic celebrity recasts. Of course Regina works for Fox News.
  • re: Nascar awards ceremony - up until last year, this was held at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City, which I thought was funny on a number of levels (fish-out-of-water, grasping for "classiness"). It also meant the drivers would go out on the town, with the expectation that they wouldn't be recognized (I ran into Sterling Marlin in a bar on 96th St back in 2001 and he seemed completely befuddled that a yankee knew who he was).

    But, starting in 2009, they moved the ceremony to the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas. Both seem like good settings for Roachiness.
  • Chris, Brendan and I are totally down for this and it appears Johnzo is committing. Jackson... you left us hangin' on Wall Street and wow did things go just so terribly terribly wrong, so wrong it was RIIIGHT. Can we get you to the altar this time? We may sacrifice you there, with bullets through biceps or nukes dumped in flower beds, but dude, basically you OWE us a Roach session. Do not make me beg. I will not do that. I might hold a lighter next to my precious copy of The Smoke Dream, however... Do I have your attention now?? Drop trou and greet the sun, buddy. You are commanded!

  • Just a note that I've grabbed the Sat night slot at GPNW for a Roach game, of whatever flavor it ends up being.

    I'm all excited for NASCAR Roach, but I'm also (kinda) sensitive to the opinions of others (to an extent).
  • Chris, thank you for including Dick Trickle. That is all.
  • I once heard Jack Chisholm (say it out-loud quickly) and Dick Trickle doing a car racing play-by-play at an event.

    It's moments like those that I wish to pass on to my future grandchildren.
  • It's not often that I'm Googling for "redneck baby names" for a roleplaying game.

    Thanks guys for bringing it. That game was awesome as always!
  • AP or it didn't happen.
  • Obituary:

    MARSHALL BLAU, 21, an American born of Dutch-German ancestry, has left us on this day in two thousand and ten. Mere hours after being declared winner of the 2010 NASCAR race-for-the-title due to the untimely deaths of both the first- and second-place finishers, Blau was, in opposition to his desires, gradually cut down in breadth and width by use of large knives. Hampered by the cuffs and leg-irons which had been affixed to him as a result of his arrest for the daylight firing-upon and murder of wheelchair-bound quadriplegic burn victim and fellow NASCAR entrant, Alison Steele, Blau was denied his screamed requests to be allowed to leave the stage area, where his removed sections were being hand-fed to European Club Legend David Hasselhoff who had been suspended with nails on an inverted crucifix. Blau loudly claimed that the crucifix's inversion was troubling to his religious sensibilities, but grew quiet as those knives in use by attendees of the NASCAR celebration function grew closer to his vital organs. He will be remembered by viewers of FOX sports, and survived by very few, if present conditions continue.
  • edited June 2010
    NASCAR Roundup
    Controversial German Skorpion Jumps To Broadcast Booth
    January 14, 2011
    Associated Press

    Fox Speed International ended weeks of speculation today when it announced that retired NASCAR driver Johan Skorpion will join its race-day broadcast team.

    Skorpion, a German national who drove the Beretta #17 Camry in 2010, set NASCAR on fire with a dramatic final-lap victory at Talladega that catapulted him into the Roach Cup points lead. He did not relinquish his stranglehold on the Cup until the final weeks of the season, when rumors that he was working illegally in the United States inflamed nativist passions within the NASCAR fanbase. The rumors were later debunked, but not before NASCAR had hit Skorpion with a record points penalty. His erratic behavior afterwards spawned hundreds of Youtube parodies on Facebook, Twitter, and the Internet.

    Fox did not address concerns about Skorpion's character in its release, instead emphasizing the opportunity to leverage Skorpion's reputation in Europe and expand NASCAR's global footprint.

    It is unknown how Skorpion will arrange his duties with Fox around those as Lieutenant-Governor of Alabama, an appointment he received last month from governor Sir Bartholomew Atkins. Atkins' office would not comment substantively on Skorpion yesterday, although it did offer its congratulations. "We shall irrigate with honey and sweet milk of mothers," the popular governor said in his daily press release. "So mote it be!"
  • edited June 2010

    Veteran Racer Takes Second Retirement; 'Very Excited' About New Religious Opportunities

    LAS VEGAS, NV - After a brief but well-received return to the track, following his 2003-2006 hiatus, longtime fan favorite driver David McDavid has announced plans to enter into retirement--this time for good. He cites a religious calling in his decision.

    "I hung up #35, and now I'm hanging up #36, though my love for NASCAR remains strong," McDavid told reporters at a press conference held shortly after the notorious end-of-season gala last week. "I will never forget what the fans of this sport have done for me and mine, but now it's time I kek kek kek HRRRRRK SHUG NIB-IL GUL A'KA something back."

    McDavid went on to explain that a newfound devotion to the Shab-al-Hiri Roach, a fast-growing faith-based organization with roots in ancient scripture, had led him to the decision to become a full-time evangelist.

    "There is a higher purpose in my life now," said McDavid from his perch atop junior Senator Martin Blaylock (R-NV), whom he rode like a horse. "I've been speaking personally to a number of other well-known figures within this great sport, and I've been glad to see their hesitance turn to rapturous shrieks of devotion. I firmly believe that together, we can bring the lash down once again upon the hide of the howling chattel in this great nation. Yea, let their eyes run black like oil, let them grovel before their masters!"

    Added McDavid, "KREEEEEEE."
  • Chat transcript: Driver of Week Floyd Taint
    June 25, 2010
    01:19 PM EDT

    Earlier this week, in a chat on NASCAR.COM, fans grilled Floyd Taint. He is this week's Race for the Roach Cup Driver of the Week and he told it like it is -- check out these chat highlights:

    Q. Regina_Sutton_FOXSports: Let's get things started, Floyd. What were your goals coming into this season with a new team to you and a revamped team? Have you met those goals?

    A. Floyd_Taint: Goals are to keep the team going all season with sponsorship. We are extremely under-funded. Cup goals are to make all the races.

    Q. Mark0720: Floyd, what do you think about the self-policing this year? Too much bump and run?

    A. Floyd_Taint: I'm pretty comfortable about the amount of contact out there, given the large starting grids. It is NASCAR, after all.

    Q. doodada: Hey Floyd, what do you think about Governor "Nootie" Atkins flying the flag at Talladega Nights this season? Is there still room in NASCAR for such a polarizing figure?

    A. Floyd_Taint: Well...if by "polarizing" you mean "defending this country from the chi-gro hordes who are invading everyday through every port of call", then yes. I welcome the Governor's attendance.

    Q. KSNascar24: What is your favorite racing moment that you were in?

    A. Floyd_Taint: Wait...I'm not done here yet. I feel like some of these "foreign" drivers like Johan Skorpian have no real place in today's NASCAR. I mean...how many people in GERMANY are really watching our races? Don't they have some sort of neo-Nazi rallies to attend? Not that I mind that sort of thing, but...

    Q. doodada: Floyd, are you excited to race with Danica?

    A. Floyd_Taint: Let's just say she's no Alison Steele. Have you SEEN that woman drive? That sort of talent certainly puts a bug in your ear. If you know what I mean.

    Q. NASCAR_Julie: Floyd, do you think that you can get a top ten or a win in any of the upcoming races?

    A. Floyd_Taint: That's very interes...DUG TUKAM NAR.

    Q. NASCAR_Julie: Sorry, Floyd, what was that?


    Q. Regina_Sutton_FOXSports: Folks we seem to be having some communications issues here. One moment to resolve...


    Q. Regina_Sutton_FOXSports: Sorry folks, that's all the time we have for today. We thank Mr. Taint for his time and invite you all to our next chat on NASCAR.com where we will be talking to David "Mc" David on his fabled NASCAR comeback!
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