Help me with my English abstract about RPGs and edu-larps!

HELP!
I'm writing a Hungarian academic paper which needs an English abstract.
The abstract (not the title!) has to be between 120 and 150 words.
Could someone look throuh my jabby Engrish translation and correct my mistakes?

Playing on the word ’role-playing’ - The analogue RPGs and their educational application

'This article discusses the phenomenon of tabletop role-playing games and live action role-playing (larp), which are the main analogue forms of the so called role-playing game (RPG), a popular hobby group. Through the review of an often cited definition it is showed that the analytical definition of RPGs and their distinguishment from other forms of role-play are impossible in the traditional sense.

The second part of this paper focuses on an educational application of RPGs. Despite the noticably growing interest in the edu-larps in the last few years the current level of the relevant academic literature leaves a lot to be desired. The study methodology is generally insufficient, the texts refer to each other for support and commit a conceptual mistake – the majority of authors confuse the specific notion of larp with the general idea of role-play and use them as synonyms. As a result, a significant part of the materialized edu-larps do not possess the typical attributes of larps, but they give up exactly the essential parts of the form. The way out might be a more accurate classification of role-playing forms and a deeper understanding of their academic literature.'

Comments

  • Noticeably* maybe
  • Only one typo in the text? I cannot believe that I can write in academic English :)
  • I'm not fond of the "it is showed that" construction, though that type of passive voice usage is common in academic speak.

    I'm not sure what "their" is referring to in "their distinguishment."

    I would put a comma after "Despite the noticably growing interest in the edu-larps in the last few years" because that's a long introductory phrase.

    I get a bit confused with the second paragraph. By "an educational application of RPGs," are you referring to one specific application, or are you talking about educational applications in general. If the latter, I would replace "an" with "the."

    This sentence has a comma splice: "The study methodology is generally insufficient, the texts refer to each other for support and commit a conceptual mistake – the majority of authors confuse the specific notion of larp with the general idea of role-play and use them as synonyms." I would put "and" after the comma.

    In this sentence, it seems like "and" should be used in place of "but": As a result, a significant part of the materialized edu-larps do not possess the typical attributes of larps, but they give up exactly the essential parts of the form.

    For me to really parse out the second paragraph, it would be helpful for me to know more about the paper.
  • edited January 1
    > the so called role-playing game (RPG), a popular hobby group.

    This sounds weird to me. An RPG is not a hobby group. Participating in RPGs is a hobby. A bunch of like-minded folk who do so might be a hobby group. "the playing of which is a popular hobby"? Seems long-winded.
  • The sentence clearly states that the author sees it this way. Do you suppose it's a mistake ?
  • Thank you all for your suggestions, I adopted all of them! If you have any question about the paper I will try to answer it.
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