200 worder... looking for feedback.

edited April 2018 in Game Design Help
Hi all. I’ve tried to condense a game idea I’ve had into a 200 word rpg. This is the result. I’d welcome feedback. One concern I have is that I can’t fit both the game mechanics and an adequate level of description into the Procrustean bed of the contests size limitation. So I wonder, does an understanding of what this game “is” and how a group could successfully play and enjoy it come across with such a bare bones “just the mechanics, mam” write up???

Thanks in advance for your time and attention!
Fiat Lux,
Davey
https://docs.google.com/document/d/16XJf0j7mcPT5Zsk92-cTBL6SgrZNlf5apsLzZZuAQXc

Comments

  • I would definitely say you're trying to fit a quart into a pint pot there; it's a good game... but it won't fit into 200 words. Either crop out a whole big chunk of the mechanics somehow or just write it out as a game of the length it needs to be.
  • One of the better 200 worders I've seen, good job Davey.
  • I saw that Rickard left a lot of feedback, that's good. Didn't read through all of it b/c google docs is super slow on my old DOS machine.

    Generally:

    Mechanics are more important than description.
    And mixtape techniques is a way to save space. Like refer to mechanics from other games
  • Thanks people! I was excited to see such good feedback and to see through your eyes any number of improvements I could make. Still mulling on some, but I feel like the write up is already significantly better! I will take another pass when I have a pc in front of me and can do some of the bullet point formatting I should have done before I troubled you all with my request! Thanks again. I’m stoked by your incisive help!!
    With real gratitude, Davey.
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