From last night's game of "Everyone is John
John wakes up. One of his voices tells him to rub cat shit all over himself. He complies. He burns himself on his hot plate while cooking some rancid SPAMTM
, and the pain snaps him out of his reverie. Noticing (as if for the first time) that he's covered in feline feces, he showers and heads down to the nearest convenience store to get some KOOL-AIDTM
as directed by one of his voices. Unfortunately he gets mugged on the way, and awakens in an alley one hour later, broke, and with a headache.
No matter for John, right? As instructed by his voices, he finishes the walk to the convenience store, goes inside, and start mixing up some KOOL-AIDTM
right there in the aisle, sprinkling the power directly into a gallon water bottle and spilling water all over the floor. Not surprisingly, the shopkeeper is upset and threatens to call the police. "Fuck You!" John shouts between massive swallows of the delicious sugary drink, giving the shopkeeper the finger.
The shopkeeper pulls a gun out from under the counter and tells John to leave in no uncertain terms. John tries to charge him but fails miserably to vault the counter. He ends up laying on the floor and bleeding from a bullet wound in his right shoulder. Shopkeeper grabs the phone and is about to dial 911, but John hypnotizes him into believing that his nipples are on fire. This buys enough time to escape out the back door. In the alley behind the store John meets a friendly wino, who informs him that his shoulder is bleeding and offers him a drink. John snuggles down beside the man and begins stroking his ratty hair, whispering "go to sleep... go to sleep now..." This doesn't work at all. The wino is creeped out. And now there are police sirens coming this way. John bids farewell to the wino and heads north to the edge of town, where he stumbles out into the woods, slumps down against a big old tree, and calls for his animal friends.
Squirrels, mice and birds of various kinds begin to assemble around him. John welcomes them to his open arms and strokes them lovingly. He smiles and sighs: "AT LAST I AM A DISNEY PRINCESS!"TM