[Spark] Kickstarter Preview - Looking for Feedback

edited March 2013 in Story Games
Hey folks,

I'm just preparing to launch my first Kickstarter for the Spark RPG. I would like to ask you fine ladies and gentlemen for a bit of feedback, so that I can polish it till it shines.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/Jagash/415787545?token=e5bdd123

I would love your thoughts, criticisms and death threats!

Cheers

Comments

  • edited March 2013
    -You mention a video for the kickstarter in the text (which is definitely a good idea) but there isn't one.
    -There's an FAQ at the bottom that you don't actually need (you'll be able to access an editable FAQ for the kickstarter once it goes live, which is collapsible and saves some space).
    -Not sure how you're going to go about the funding but coming from another Canadian who used a friend in the states for funding, you might want to make sure about taxes and the like. Make sure you're working with a company rather than an individual, can write of expenses, and most especially how a burst of income will effect deductibles. I ended up having to pay over 35% of the kickstarter money just to taxes.
    -Looks like you have considered shipping already but I recall a post from various kickstarter creators on google+ about rates going up in the states if that's where fulfillment is so might want to just double check on it.

    Looks pretty nice though!
  • Thanks Kyle!

    1) Yup, I'm still working on the video at this point. It's the last major thing left.
    2) Oh, neat! I didn't know that the FAQ was automated like that.
    3) Thank you; I'm currently investigating the tax situation as my business.
    4) Yup, my current calculations are based on the Canadian prices which haven't made the same shift, but if I go with US fulfillment that will indeed be an issue.
  • Some typos in your game setting descriptions.
  • edited March 2013
    Oops, rechecked and corrected them. Thanks for pointing those out before launch!
  • Are you sure you want to call one of your settings "Cold City" when there is an RPG already out there called Cold City?
  • The only art featured is of dudes. While that may be because there's only one piece of art on the page currently... I want to know that a book will contain diversity and feature awesome women in the art. A lot of RPGs fail on that front.

    A thing you could do is make sure to put some pictures of women (and POC, and diverse bodies, etc) on the front page. I'm assuming you've got them and they're awesome.
  • Are you sure you want to call one of your settings "Cold City" when there is an RPG already out there called Cold City?
    Good point Orklord. I still feel that the term is appropriate for the Montreal police drama setting, dealing with cold cases and culture clashes, but that similarity is unfortunate. Um. Yeah.

    I will think on that, and I might rename it before launch. Thanks for pointing it out.
  • The only art featured is of dudes. While that may be because there's only one piece of art on the page currently... I want to know that a book will contain diversity and feature awesome women in the art. A lot of RPGs fail on that front.

    A thing you could do is make sure to put some pictures of women (and POC, and diverse bodies, etc) on the front page. I'm assuming you've got them and they're awesome.
    Thank you very much for calling me out on that. I will totally take all the blame for doing some rather poor art direction when I commissioned that one piece of art a few years back. I had not learned to explicitly ask for diverse art, so I didn't recieve it in that publication from my excellent artist.

    I did a much better job in later commissions. My artist guidelines are here, and the newest pieces are far more inclusive and diverse.

    (Personally, I see the central figure as delightfully androgynous but that might just be my own perception of the piece).

  • I did a much better job in later commissions. My artist guidelines are here, and the newest pieces are far more inclusive and diverse.
    Rad. I'd wholehearted recommend dropping another illustration from the game right after the "Challenge Your Beliefs" subsection, and making it one that features a woman (or a group of women).
  • As to "Cold City"; Ville Froid in French; 'Ville en Froid '(literally City in Cold, but carries a resemblance to 'villain froid'. For those not of a Francophone bent, froid is pronounced 'frrraw" - rolling 'R'.

  • I did a much better job in later commissions. My artist guidelines are here, and the newest pieces are far more inclusive and diverse.
    Rad. I'd wholehearted recommend dropping another illustration from the game right after the "Challenge Your Beliefs" subsection, and making it one that features a woman (or a group of women).
    Totally. I'm waiting for exactly that illustration to be completed. :)

  • edited March 2013
    My current ideas for the new title include
    *City of Cultures
    *Cultural Crimes
    *Crimes of Culture
    *Clashing City
    *Code Civil
    *Cold Clash
    *La Ville en Froid
    *Quiet Revolution

    Thoughts?
  • Memento Mori all (Motreal is pronounced Mor-e-al)
  • I know that Jared _would_ kill me for that. :)
  • I like Cold City. You could just call it "SPVM" or "Poste de Quartier".
  • I like "Cold City", but I suppose "Quiet Revolution" will have a similar resonance.
  • edited March 2013
    Actually, "froid" is rather pronunced [Fro-ah] than [fraw] (at least in Metropolitan France. Don't know for sure about Québec).

    It would be "La ville froide" (-e because ville is a feminine word), or "La ville en froid" (but this last one sounds a bit weird, unusual) and for information "en froid" can also mean "on bad terms" when talking about two people.

    Also, great project ! Eager to see more.
  • I have to say "Quiet Revolution". I'm Québecois, I wanted a copy of this game twice as hard when I saw that! Although I'm really tempted to tell you to just use "La Révoltion Tranquille".

    You're from Ottawa, aren't you? Which means I have to back your project. Supporting local talent and all.
  • Maybe you could keep the city vibe in the title with something like "Cold Town" or "Coldtown."
  • If it's mostly about murders, maybe some play around 'In Cold Blood'?
  • It's mostly social issues and the impact of crime on a city, rather than focussing on individual crimes. It's a bit of a personal human-scale drama. Part of the reason for having "Cold City" was the implication of cold cases and unsolved crimes impacting on current events.

    Yeah, Quiet Revolution (aka. La Révolution Tranquille) seems like the strongest option here. All the connotations of social unrest, kept under wraps, and a lot of ambiguity on whether the revolution is good or bad.

    Oui, j’avais grandi en Ottawa et j’habite actuellement en Gatineau. Merci pour être si enthousiaste et pour ton support Alex!
  • Heads up, I just got the formal approval from Kickstarter and I will be launching on Tuesday! Now updated with inclusive art.
  • Thanks for all the help! It's over here.
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