What to do with all these dead legs?

edited September 2012 in Make Stuff!
Way back in day, the core book of Exalted, First Edition introduced the "spine chain". This is a nectrotech monstrosity created by cutting bodies in half, and shoving the head of one into the torso of another end to end in a long "centipede of evil". Ever since hearing of this idea, it's bugged me that this is sort of wasteful. What about the legs? What happens to them?

So, Necromancy McEvilpants just built a 20 section spine chain, leaving his assistant to "clean up the mess". As his assistant, you are an ambitious necromancer yourself. You have 20 lower body halves, from the waist down. What do you build with them? (You may assume epic-fantasy-level magic if you like, but you don't need it.)


  • A line of ear rings for the discerning giantess.
  • Nothing but lower halves? Necromantic brothel, obviously. Yes, it's gross. Necromancy is gross, in case you hadn't noticed. Besides, if you weren't into that you wouldn't have sprung for the black robes and the subscription to Crypts Weekly, would you? Just own your grossness, necromancer. At least this way you qualify for small business loans.

    Or you could start just adding spare legs to things. Make your own ersatz centaurs. Stick them on your luggage and save yourself some arm strain when going on trips. Teach your kitchen table to do the can-can. There's literally no end to the kinds of things you can do with 40 extra legs and a boring Sunday afternoon.

  • edited September 2012
    The luggage. Or [answer redacted because it is to disturbing and pornographic].
  • Wouldn't some uses would depend on whether the body was male or female?
  • I mount them beneath a 12x10 foot platform of willow bound with iron and lined with clay upon which I build a furnace, cauldron and chests. My workshop follows me until the end of time so that, unlike many other necromancers, I can travel and never be without my vital supplies.
  • edited September 2012
    Leg stilts for awesome jumping power.
  • Oh. Wombs! Incubation devices!
  • Yeah, I'm pretty fond of the walking platform. That's creepy as shit.
  • Creepy wheelchair alternative.
  • I put them under my well-padded lectica. Snooze while you cruise.
  • Give them spurs and remote control horses. "Legs, ride yonder steed back to my lair."
  • Mount them along a tunnel. Punish underlings by having them crawl through the tunnel, being repeatedly kicked in the ass.
  • Graft them all onto a dead beholder. Ball of legs! With Eyebeams!
  • My teacher told me that I shouldn't count on the fingers, so I could probably use the legs instead.
  • Make sawhorses.
  • One would be used to break in uncomfortable shoes.

    One would be trained in the art of massage.

    The rest would be schooled in the art of the dance. Michael Flatley eat your heart out.
  • Yeah, I'm pretty fond of the walking platform. That's creepy as shit.
    See how creepy it is even without severed legs.
    Necromantic brothel, obviously
    ...called The Halfway House.
  • edited September 2012
    [deleted triplicate -- sorry]
  • Yeah. Bone Spider Palanquins all the way.
  • Sew them together feet out and have them roll about like necromantic tumble weeds.
    Set a bunch of them to work powering an undead paddle boat
    Form a football team called Legs Eleven.

  • edited September 2012
    Animate them to walk. Then use tham to power mills, to draw carriages and plow fields. Take anything you'd do with farm animals and use a pair of legs instead. Start a farm with lower overhead than competing farms. Profit.
  • edited September 2012
    Add them to chairs, tables, really any normal household things you can think of, and get them to re-enact Beauty and the Beast~ (Use animate soulsteel for the cutlery, naturally. Screams make a delightful chorus role~)

    Alternatively, stitch a pair to your back for an inbuilt self-righting mechanism.
  • Screw the legs. Saw off the toes and make tickle grenades.
  • +1 on attaching them to the beholder. Except this wouldn't have eye rays but kicks with different spell-like effects. The nightmare of the monk of the party, if you make it from monk legs and give it the multiattack feat.
  • Foot soup to feed your army of cannibal ghouls!
  • wheels... assuming you let them stiffen, I bet they would make great spokes.
    To go off NickWedig's idea... these could also be used as part of any device that needs a wheel or wheel-like device... I am looking at you turbines.
  • paint garish faces on the asses, throw them in a well, and film a children's television show called "Mr. Bottom's Rumpus Hole" ?
  • edited September 2012
    I approve of the beholder leg-ball idea, but only if it fights the master's spine chain and I'm allowed to sell tickets.
  • I snozed off during class today and had a short dream about a dragon who's breath was a thousand kicking legs.
  • edited September 2012
    I'd use them to construct a necro-ladder, a device of ebon sorcery and twisted flesh I would then put to use in bucolic Scavenger Lands regional ladder-climbing contests - which I would always win.

    Because I'd have a leg up on the competition.
  • edited September 2012
    I snozed off during class today and had a short dream about a dragon who's breath was a thousand kicking legs.
    <3 this!
  • Another thing I would do with my legs is to bind them in my gigantic guinea pig wheel, so they can generate the electricity needed for my experim... err, I mean "research".
  • Transportation for a massively long battering ram?
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