Joe McDaldno wrote an improv home game version of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and then made me play it with him and some other guys. I've literally never seen an entire episode of It's Always Sunny, and now I kind of don't want to, because I really doubt it would be better. I want to write down the plot before I forget it.
The gang is at Paddy's trying to figure out why the water is barely running. Charlie maintains it's because the pipes are clogged with all the soap they keep using. Dennis counters that, while this is true, that's by design to keep water pressure from going dangerously high. Charlie says, whatever, it's going to take forever to fill drinks if they have to wait for soap water to drip out of the tap. This gives Frank (who has, in fact, not been paying the water bill) an idea: they will water down the drinks and pocket the difference in price. You know what? Not even just drinks. They'll water down EVERYTHING.
Cut to the gang trying to inject water into hamburger buns with a syringe. It's not working. Mac believes the problem is that they need to get the water from "further up the pipes, where they're not all clogged and soapy." Dennis launches an initiative to steal water via garden hose from a nearby warehouse; Dee insists that no, they need to get it from a hydrant, so she'll have to call this hot firefighter she knows. Mac says they don't NEED a firefighter, he applied to be a volunteer firefighter twice, which is basically twice as good. Dee demands that they decide this via hose-off.
Dennis and Frank break into the warehouse and realize that it is filled with containers of packing peanuts. Not packed around anything, just a storage facility for storing packing peanuts before they're used to pack things. Dennis, awed: "I have wanted a bed filled with packing peanuts since I was a child." Frank: "Get a bag."
The firefighter, Drew, shows up a little confused about what's going on here. He's wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Mac is wearing a stripper-costume firefighter outfit with no shirt and a plastic axe. Dee insists they whip 'em out and hose off already. Drew is kind of into this.
Frank and Dennis have pried the top off a shipping container full of packing peanuts and Frank is egging Dennis on to jump into them from the top of a thirty-foot ladder.
Frank: "You can't do it! You're scared you'll get hurt!"
Dennis: "Of course I'm not, they're packing peanuts, they're literally the softest material on earth. I could do it. Anybody could do it."
Dee: "Hey guys, how's this going?"
Cut to Dennis kicking the ladder, causing Dee to miss the edge of the shipping container by about two feet. The bemused warehouse staff, who have been watching all this in disbelief, call the cops.
Back at the bar, Mac is posing and flexing with his axe: "no, all twelve months are going to be me, just take this picture already." Frank: "Okay, but turn to the left, I gotta see your glutes more."
At the hospital, Charlie is looking over three chart clipboards and abstractedly swapping papers between them. He hands one to Dee, bandaged and cast-bound in the hospital bed.
Dee: "See, this looks like something legal to me?"
Charlie: "Yeah, no, it's just like a parking ticket. But for a warehouse break-in."
Dennis: "All you gotta do is contest it. 90% of the time they don't even show up."
Dee: "Wait, I have to do this?"
Charlie: "It's a huge responsibility."
Dee: "... Wow, thanks, guys!"
Cut to Mac, slowly backing away with an innocent look on his face from a mangled fire hydrant spewing water everywhere.
Cut to Dennis, scoring Dee's pain medication off a cute nurse by passing himself off as a volunteer firefighter (twice) named Mac. Meanwhile, Dee's doctors look at her shuffled chart and are horrified to realize that not only did she get pushed off a ladder, she's a leukemia survivor.
At the bar, Charlie is trying to save the hydrant's precious, precious water in every container he can find, from tupperware to garbage bags. Frank has decided they need to turn this into a promotion, with a wet t-shirt contest pitting girls against firefighters. Charlie, nodding: "so they fight the girls." Dennis stumbles in, operating under a quadruple dose of Percocet, and mumbles something about his body being full of packing peanuts before passing out on the bar.
Cut to Dee in the children's cancer ward, going around to the ten-year-old girls and holding out flyers: "hey, do you like firefighters?"
Back to the bar, where Charlie and Dennis are frantically dumping out bottles of top-shelf alcohol in order to fill them with water.
Dennis, still spacey: "How am I supposed to get the caps back on the beer bottles after I put in the water?"
Charlie: "Here, try this hammer."
Hey, they're at the hospital again. Dee shows up to announce cheerily that Dennis was right, they did dismiss the case, the judge just read her chart and cried a lot and said life was too precious! Dennis, in withdrawal, counters that life is in fact the worst.
Back at Paddy's, a sweaty Frank is trying to explain to the cops why there all these fourth-graders are in a bar with shirtless firefighters exactly. "It's a charity contest!" The cops demand to see a permit. Charlie confidently hands them one of the clipboards he was messing with earlier.
Slow pull back from Charlie's blissful but slightly confused face, which is behind a car window, in the back of a police car, because he's managed to hand them paperwork which implicates him in everything illegal anyone did today.
The game operates under a currency system: you take one coin when you do X, and spend three coins to save the day by doing Y. Harry (playing Dee) and Jackson (playing Charlie) used this heavily, whereas I only took one coin the entire game, but I was no less engaged or cracking up for it. The principles and the liberal use of fast-cutting that Joe (facilitating/playing Mac) emphasized worked really, really well. Joe and Paul (playing Frank) were the only ones who had actually seen the show more than once, so it was helpful to have them on hand, but it wasn't like they had to correct us or keep us on book.